Trade and drafting code - What they really mean.

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Drake Huggins
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Trade and drafting code - What they really mean.

Post: # 1704740Post Drake Huggins »

Every year we hear the same old lines from recruiters, how this year's draft is shallow, next year's draft pool is a beauty and the old chestnut, "we can't believe we got him at that pick". Just for a bit of fun, let's have a crack at our favorite recruiting descriptions of players, with an explanation of what they really mean.

Lightning fast, outside running type - A craven coward who uses his pace mainly to run away from contests and opponents.

Strong, inside midfielder - Slow and couldn't spread to save himself.

Strong bodied, burly inside ball winner - Fat. Call Jenny Craig. Stat!

Lightning fast hands - Can't kick over a jam tin.

Beautiful kick who hits targets - At training only.

The aggressive type who loves the contest - A psychopath who'll end up getting suspended more than Barry Hall.

A developing big man who'll take time - We'll keep him on the list to prove we didn't stuff up, then delist him when he hasn't played a senior game after seven years.

Needs to build himself up in the gym - Makes Matty Lappin look like Schwarzenegger. Probably has an eating disorder.

Needs to build his tank - An overweight, wheezy asthmatic.

A versatile big man who can play ruck or KP - But doesn't play either very well.

Mature age recruit who adds some depth - List clogger

We can't believe he slid down the order to our pick - There were very good reasons why 17 other clubs rejected him.

He'll take a while to develop, but is worth the punt - I've bought myself a few years before anyone realizes I stuffed up with this one.

Gives good rebound out of defense - For the opposition. Turns it over every time.

Can play at either end of the ground - We're not sure which end that might be yet.

Great leader - Very ordinary player who trains and tries hard. Perennial Best Clubman award winner.

Has a great character and comes from a good family - Will retire after two years and become a missionary overseas.

A vibrant, bubbly personality who keeps up morale - The village idiot who people laugh at, not with.

Strong, silent type who lets his actions do the talking - Potential serial killer.

Creative type who can make things happen - Never follows team rules.

Disciplined team man - No skills whatsoever.

Has been injury prone but worth the punt - Will put the club physiotherapist's kids through private school.

This kid could be anything - A hairdresser, a pilot, a lawyer, but probably not a footballer.

Head prefect at a prestigious private school- A soft elitist who won't talk to players who went to a public school.

A hard nut who's had a tough upbringing - Done time. Just got released.

Mercurial - He'll try anything, usually in a nightclub at 3.00 am.

Electrifying breakaway speed - Especially when being chased by the police.

You get the drift. Hop to it, Saintsationalists!


"Is this the right room for an argument?"
"I told you once."
"No, you didn't."
"Yes, I did."
"Listen, an argument isn't just the automatic gainsaying of anything the other person says, it's a series of statements designed to support a particular conclusion."
"No, it isn't."
"Oh, I've had enough of this."
"No you haven't"
"Oh shut up."
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Re: Trade and drafting code - What they really mean.

Post: # 1704790Post saynta »

Made me laugh. And I needed it after hearing from all the doom and gloom boys, and the usual sad sacks.


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Re: Trade and drafting code - What they really mean.

Post: # 1704883Post Drake Huggins »

Lead up forward, who presents well - Can't take a contested mark.

The best prospect to ever come out of (insert town or suburb) - The only prospect to ever emerge from (insert town or suburb).

His highlights reel is the best we've ever seen - His blooper reel is the most hilarious we've ever seen.

A good honest player - Was caught shoplifting recently.


"Is this the right room for an argument?"
"I told you once."
"No, you didn't."
"Yes, I did."
"Listen, an argument isn't just the automatic gainsaying of anything the other person says, it's a series of statements designed to support a particular conclusion."
"No, it isn't."
"Oh, I've had enough of this."
"No you haven't"
"Oh shut up."
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Re: Trade and drafting code - What they really mean.

Post: # 1704884Post skeptic »

I feel like I've read this before


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Drake Huggins
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Re: Trade and drafting code - What they really mean.

Post: # 1704886Post Drake Huggins »

A few of these do the rounds, skeptic. I don't claim that mine is any better. It is original, though. Like saynta, I thought we might get a laugh at a time when we really need one. The draft can't come quick enough. This is original. I drafted it up at 4.30 am (Melbourne time) this morning. In Mumbai, so I'm still adjusting to local time. Anything to contribute to the list?


"Is this the right room for an argument?"
"I told you once."
"No, you didn't."
"Yes, I did."
"Listen, an argument isn't just the automatic gainsaying of anything the other person says, it's a series of statements designed to support a particular conclusion."
"No, it isn't."
"Oh, I've had enough of this."
"No you haven't"
"Oh shut up."
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Re: Trade and drafting code - What they really mean.

Post: # 1704890Post CQ SAINT »

Anyone for game of charades or musical chairs.

This forum suddenly has a sense like someones mum got drunk at their10th bday party and abused all the kids and other parents.

Lets get the party pies and fairy bread out shall we.

Had a laugh anyway Drake. Thanks.


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Re: Trade and drafting code - What they really mean.

Post: # 1704891Post MickThomas »

Got a chuckle out of first few,
then it just became boring.


2020 was an aberration, when we travelled twice to Adelaide and won both, beat Tigers early, beat our bogey Swans. 2021 we've returned to our old ways. Damn
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Re: Trade and drafting code - What they really mean.

Post: # 1704897Post Drake Huggins »

We can only try our best. Humour is so subjective, although some of those things I posted rang true at times. I've seen some howlers in my time.


"Is this the right room for an argument?"
"I told you once."
"No, you didn't."
"Yes, I did."
"Listen, an argument isn't just the automatic gainsaying of anything the other person says, it's a series of statements designed to support a particular conclusion."
"No, it isn't."
"Oh, I've had enough of this."
"No you haven't"
"Oh shut up."
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Re: Trade and drafting code - What they really mean.

Post: # 1704899Post MickThomas »

Drake Huggins wrote:We can only try our best. Humour is so subjective, although some of those things I posted rang true at times. I've seen some howlers in my time.
#4, #5, #10
were just vanilla/beige.
Most of the others were like some of the club's howlers.
David Gamble a recent one.
Beau Geste (as in 'surely you jest?') with surname of Wilkes/Maister another


2020 was an aberration, when we travelled twice to Adelaide and won both, beat Tigers early, beat our bogey Swans. 2021 we've returned to our old ways. Damn
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Re: Trade and drafting code - What they really mean.

Post: # 1704900Post santazzi »

Thanks DH made my evening. I remember some years a go some one deconstructed real estate agents lingo like "a renovators dream" and I had a good lough. Your deconstruction of AFL clubs lingo is also a beauty.


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Re: Trade and drafting code - What they really mean.

Post: # 1704902Post CQ SAINT »

Drake Huggins wrote:We can only try our best. Humour is so subjective, although some of those things I posted rang true at times. I've seen some howlers in my time.
I like Buckenara's approach. He puts the best South Australian at 1 in his draft prediction, then says he might not go at 1 but means - surely you're not going to pick another gun Victorian Brisbane.


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